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Friday, 11 June 2010

  • When something has belonged to you for a long time it either changes with you- or like this blog for me- stays behind as you change.

    Forgive my cliche gothic reference, but for me this page is like a graveyard. My obsession with 30 Seconds to Mars has long dissipated- though I did see them live this past September, FUCKING FANTASTIC. Ignorance abandoned. Aspirations to rebel shrugged off.

    Conformity embraced.

    Reality seen.

    Innocence shattered.

    The person who started this blog nearly 4 years ago would be horrified to see the creature who writes this now. A stellar student, invovled with extra cirricular activites, wearing short shorts, skirts, lace and gold gladiator sandals.

    But in a way I am also everything she wanted to be. In slipping away from the fringes of society I so longed aspired to occupy, I made my own world and have discovered the meaning of true rebellion and freedom.

    I have finally accepted the fact that I am beautiful and that I am someone guys want to date but I am not like most girls. Yet, I am perpetually single. I like it that way. No commitments, not promises, no drama. The old me would smack me and tell me I'm missing out. I beg to differ...

    My parents and I get get along exceedingly well. My futile rebellion against them abandoned. Maturity embraced.

    I could go on...

    But basically, this blog records 4 years of changed, (though it's missed out on most of the last year).

    Would I go back and tell the old me to be who I am now?

    No. She had some good times. So have I.

    Though this is incredibly self serving:

    Love live Amanda.

    Long live me.

Wednesday, 02 December 2009

Sunday, 10 May 2009

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

  • Currently
    Xo
    By Leathermouth
    see related

    100 Days

    So apparently it's the end of Obama's first 100 days. 100 days...

    Don't worry I swear the coming blog has nothing to do with politics.

    So roughly 100 days ago was the Inaguration. That was Stephanie's birthday party and the day when I was happier then I'd ever been. I spent in sitting in a park with 4 kick ass people eating frosting, croissants and drinking Martinelli's. Still on a cloud from the night before.

    It's been 100 days since the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. Maybe I brought it all on myself. I mean, a sophmore in highschool dating a freshmen in college...... The odds weren't necessarily stacked in our favor. We both knew it, we talked it over and thought we could make it despite everything. 100 days ago he said,

    "Fuck it all, Amanda, will you go out with me? Or be my girlfriend? Or whatever it is you want us to be."

    And I said,

    "Yeah."

    For the first two months of these 100 days I was happier than I'd ever been. He came down from college almost every weekend to see me and the time I spent with him was so amazing.

    Yet at some point he began to have doubts, doubts he told everyone about but the most important person to tell... me. 2 months into these 100 days I got the phone call that would shatter my reality and bring to an end a nice chunk of my innocence.

    The rest of these 100 days have been a blur. Only the most recent coming into focus. All the sorrow, anger, frustration and regret has gotten me to this strange place. It's new and foreign and something I've never experienced. I look at the person I was the start of these 100 days and I barely recognize her. I don't understand why she did all the things she did. How could she could be so close minded, naive and blind? I've lost friends, grown closer to people I'd never expect to and met entirely new ones.

    I've finally realized that shit happens, you lose, you suffer and you have to savor each moment before it's gone. You have to fucking live life. My perspectives on close to everything have changed, as well as me. And I think it's all been for the better.

    I feel in some sick way, that those words, "I don't think this is working out and we should just end it now instead of dragging it out any longer." were the best thing that ever happened to me.

    100 days ago I sat on a table in a park drinking, Martinelli's and eating frosting straight from the can. I was afraid, afraid to live. I was under the influence of the opinions of those around me and all my inhibitions. Fastforward through said 100 days and you'll move through my version of hell but you'll come out to the other side and find me sitting here.

    100 days later.

    -me

Monday, 27 April 2009

  • Currently
    Folie A Deux
    By Fall Out Boy
    see related

    Life

    I've said it before... but I'll say it again! I'm going to try and keep this thing going. After... let's see... proabably over 2 years of using this thing it's been too long to give up on it now. :) But myspace and Facebook are so tempting... lol

    Life's been good.

    I've been getting through some unpleasant situations. In the past 4 months this asshole has dumped two of my friend's leaving them as emotional wrecks. And I'm getting through an utterly confusing and unhappy breakup of my own. Bipolar friendships abound. I have a deathwish for a person who was my one of my closest friends since September and I'm not sure why any more. March was such a blur of anger/frustration/sadness/confusion that alot of decisions I made in that month confuse me now that my head is slightly clearer. One of my groups of friend's are finally realizing that they all hate eachother (something I've known for over year lol) and they're all quite confused. It's more comical then dramatic to be honest.

    But on a happier note I've gotten new people in my life that really make me happy. New music abounds. The Distillers, Leathermouth, Cursive, Civet, Anti-Flag ect. And... *takes very deep breath* I LOVE FALL OUT BOY!!!! After years of despising them... I admit it, I was converted. :]

    -me